Exploring the Depths of Your Shadow Self for Personal Growth

The shadow self can be understood as the parts of ourselves we would rather not see. The shadow that exists within us can manifest differently in different people, depending on cultural norms. Cultural norms may intensify the shadow self that exists. For example, someone who is raised in a very traditional culture may hide or ignore their sexual feeling and desires toward the same sex. Deeply buried sides of oneself can create the Shadow self that a person would rather ignore. There are a variety of factors that can contribute to one's shadow self, whether it is trauma, culture, or a lack of awareness. I became aware of my own shadow self when I reached a point in life where I realized certain patterns kept showing up, and I wanted to address them. For example, I used to be a people pleaser. I would abandon my responsibilities to myself at a moment's notice to help others. From my perspective, I was helping someone else and felt good about it, although I lacked the awareness of why I acted the way I did and the root causes of my behavior.

Why do we have to face the shadow self?

It was not until I faced the emotions I would rather not face that I was able to understand my thoughts and feelings deeply and what catalyzed them. I grew up an introvert, a shy, lonely kid who did not have many friends—after noticing that being there to help others, such as taking someone to the grocery store or giving them a ride when needed, brought more people into my life whom I would later label as friends. However, they were in it for how it benefited them. I was not aware of the unconscious/shadow side of myself that guided my actions. I was unaware that, through my actions, I always place others above myself. This shadow side of myself guided many of my actions, driven by my internal desire to make friends and avoid loneliness. The more people I made myself available to help, the more "Friends" I had in my life. The values that guided those actions are still values I believe in, but the imbalance in their application no longer exists now that I am aware of how the shadow self interpreted and applied them.

The unconscious is computing information while the conscious mind may be aware of certain computations. The greater the amount of computation that consciousness is not aware of, the more an individual mind finds themselves acting out in ways they do not understand. Indications of this might be finding yourself asking why I responded that way. When responses stem from triggers that still exist in the shadow self, the conscious person may feel dissatisfied with the conscious perception of how they should have handled the situation, compared with how they actually responded. These clues can indicate the need to delve deeper into the shadow self/unconsciousness. Freud believed that a significant part of our thoughts, desires, and memories exists in the unconscious, meaning we are not fully aware of them, yet they influence our behavior (Mistry Et al., 2024).

Let's take a moment to think about the last sentence in the previous paragraph. A significant part of our thoughts, desires, and memories exists in the unconscious, meaning we are not fully aware of them, YET THEY INFLUNCE OUR BEHAVIOR!!! WAIT!! Let me proceed with this argument. How is it that something I am not aware of influences my behavior? Not possible, I know who I am.......

The last thought, that I know who I am, means I have nothing more to learn about myself because all that I am, I know. When there is nothing more to learn about oneself, the mind does not look for anything else; it only fills in the blanks with what I have chosen to define as myself.

I look at this from a Dialectical perspective: what the individual is aware of is both true and false. Their perspective on their actions is true based on what the individual is aware of, but it can be false if they apply additional information from their shadow self that they are unaware of. For example, during the extreme people-pleasing stage of my life, I was being a good person by helping others. After developing an understanding of my action and my shadow self. The more I became aware of my actions. However, I would have individually interpreted them as selfless, had strong elements of selfishness from a shadow force driving outcomes to fulfill an organism's needs. The basic needs are food, housing, and companionship.

Written by: Jermaine Lee

Mistry, L. N., Neelkanthan, S., Deshpande, S. S., Jawdekar, A. M., Shah, P. P., & Khachane, N. A. (2024). Matters of the Mind: A Look Into the Life of Sigmund Freud. Cureus, 16(10), e71562. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.71562